Hello dear ones,
I do not know at what I should write, I'm feeling at the moment so incredibly bad, I can not dry the tears, because more new to come. I will but is it good, I will, however, that we are simply happy. But still I'm broken everything. Why is that? Why can not I just be satisfied with what I have? I thought everything would be better if I would be away from my parents, but they are still just as blind and stupid as before, and the depression does not listen, no matter how badly I want to get rid of them.
Tonight is a party with us, only as a small, unimportant, I know. And actually I was looking forward to a few people and not just a few, but was set more positive compared to the whole. But even I have become totally bad and I'm about whether I shall not one probably better to remain in the room. I've said to my loved ones, but like I said he should not be angry with him if he then goes down to the party. I do not understand why, because I have not at all required and that was the case schonmal and I had to force him as more or less to the party to go. He has stressed again and I got flamed, he surely has no reason to say that. We have rumgealbert, or I rumgealbert and he has just dismissed me because he wanted to get his laundry now. He leaned on my arm to get up and I have the same feeling he breaks through and scream. He apologized that he did not want wehtuen me, but I do it only occasionally, he apologized every time but considerate is he not, he's just so gross motor. He makes me lie and collected his laundry. Then he asks me if I decided not to go with. I tell him that it was not me doing well and not feel like I have on the people. He chooses to make accusations about me, but every time that it would be so and that I would have enjoyed it and he does not understand why I am so. Very quietly I'm starting to cry while he deals with and exciting move. At some point he noticed my tears and again gently. He asked me to come along and tell me that he does not understand me. He should not be so mean to me, I sob. He would never stay here for me, at the most with incredibly foul mood and just because he did not celebrate so tired of. This It was always he who has said he would do anything for me. But it is not true, it's a lie. I would always have it for all they are, I would always stay with him as long as he wants, I would always do everything for him.
Why must everything always be so unequal? Why can not we both do for each other? Why do I have the feeling that I'm back so alone with my love?
He assures me he loves me about anything else he would take care not at all about what is to me. But is that really true?
If so, why am I lying here alone in a dark, locked room and can not stop crying, while from below herschallt the loud music where he celebrates grade?
I react? Am I doing something wrong? I can not see objectively, I put in the middle. Can someone tell me whether I understand the only way?
This can not but be, I'm not that crazy!
have the other hand, I now have often heard of HSP [Highly Sensitive Persons] and without having to tell myself want something, it would be possible that I am so in the direction of the Hochsensivitaet go, at least according to the orientation tests I've done I'm always a little further on when the border Hochsensivitaet. But since I do not know how to handle the, changes that also nothing. I do not feel better when I make a statement for my feelings have.
They should stop crying, the noise gives me goose bumps and makes me wince, I just want silence.
help.
