Hello my friends, it's
to despair. I did not sleep last night because my love had a day off today and we have together gone through the night, but I'm sleeping times than I would have to get up again should and am not in school, although it has now given evidence. But I somehow give a damn. Like so many things. Apart from him, of course.
morning I was free and he does not. And why is he now sleeps in my bed and I sit at my PC in his room. Madness.
I find it hard to sleep at night, whether I got up at 6 or not.
last night I stay awake all the time with him because he has only been drinking energy drinks to not be tired again from 11 clock and then later was no longer tired. Tomorrow I have it but not free. And who lies down at 10:45 to bed without me?
despair, it is to. Since then I have slept long tomorrow even though he then awake and when I woke up I thought, as he has ever felt, it's like when you're awake more for ages without the other, but changed no, nothing, and anyway he has gambled instead of just to lie with me, as I usually always do. And although today we are together 7 months and I wanted to make at least a nice evening with him, because he no time during the day for me had. Great.
He says he does not feel like showering more. I tell him how nice that would be and that he could then also go to bed. Shortly after, he says he wants to shower yet, but now. I tell him that I would like but still, he would sleep immediately after that anyway. I also tell him that it's his decision what he does But I definitely him evil, I am if he wants to break his promise not to take a shower with me, although that last one was what was on our evening planning left.
Oh I should stop complaining to me, it makes no sense, he lies down and sleeps calmly as ever while I'm crying on. But that will not change. He thinks not evil.
But the fact, that it simply runs off and says he goes to sleep now that he has meant evil. It hurts, do it properly.
For him it is simple, he is not happy about the dispute but later than 5 minutes after he sleeps soundly until next morning. And I have two, three, four hours lying awake, always start again loszuheulen and I cry at some point completely ready to sleep. If I love waking up the next morning, he's back to me, takes me in his arms, kissed my forehead. If I do not talk to him, he snuggles against me and wants a kiss, and because I am always weak with him, I cuddle him and me forget how angry and hurt I was. And I want the reconciliation. But I will not stop, I do not want that everything remains as it was, I can not cry later than every other night just because of that. You can not. I do not know if I can dare, just to sleep in his room. The first night apart since I live here. I do not know if I can do this step, actually I do not know, but I know exactly how it feels when I'm going down, lie down into the icy bed next to him, turn my back on his back and lie there. This is too much for me.
This one was caught this morning in my laptop. This is his way of showing that he always thinks of me. This is sweet, something very unlike him. It's just crabbed on a piece of paper written, but that's exactly it as I love him. To regard the list makes me even sadder when I think of it, what has he just made an exit. What happened here only.
I am now, as far as it's still a few reinziehen The L Word episodes and sleep hopefully soon.
And somehow I'm still hungry for something. One probably just drinking her health was. No idea. One probably I'll go right down to me from the kitchen to fetch something. Or go take a shower. Oh I know. First watch another episode.
I wish you a good night. ♥
Bella
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