Hello dear ones, as you may have noticed
, cook and eat, I really like, I'm having fun trying out new things and am always pleased when I manage to cook something .
read the other hand, I very frequently Ana various blogs, they fascinate me in some weird way. As with my Boyfriend live together and my laptop actually is always in his room, there is still a kind of thrill that I can read it in secret if he is not there or so distracted that he asks not always what I read for as .
All this triggered in me very mixed feelings.
I want to cook delicious and healthy.
I want to eat every day only 500kcal.
After my friend has now seen once again that I have read a blog Ana, he immediately asked if I would want some way off, totally worried. The more he would notice it when I eat would not. Something is much more difficult as parents to control the one because he always noticed if something is wrong with me. And he would see, If I did not eat any more.
But since the dream before last night's all nurnoch worse.
She was as thin and beautiful!
I do not know what to do, go on as it should. I'm not at all control over myself to eat anything sweet. Sometime in 2009 I once with a girlfriend one months eat any candy. How could I ever make in life? I do not know, but I lost time just 3 pounds. And now I'm fatter than ever before. My BMI is 23 that's just before the ascendancy! Things can not go. My love always tells me how he finds me very beautiful, that he used my body great place, but that can not be. I'm on both sides my hips have a shower when I discovered Dehnungsstriefen ... I was crying just before. And then I'm not even a balance here. I can only prevail when I walk quickly with my parents up to the bathroom. The last time I had eaten and 65.2 kg. A fear, as always.
Love, from your slightly desperate Bella. ♥
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